In response to this question from Dom with Pen.

I’m rather late, and with a rather long answer (I did submit a very brief version, but, yes, even that was rather late. So spank me.), but I find this question intriguing from both perspectives.

If by “why” one means “where does the drive come from,” I believe that it is innate. As a submissive, I think that I was born this way- this is part of who I am, rather than something that was triggered along the way. I remember having feelings that I later recognized as submissive back as long as I can remember.

Why this inherent drive exists is another question. The simplest explanation I can think of is that I am attracted to the idea of having a well-defined role in a relationship with rules and consequences for violating the nature of that role to help restore balance.

I find this explanation a little troublesome though, as I enjoy being independent and assertive as well. These skills are necessary in some situations (notably those occurring between the hours of 9 and 5), but it can be very lonely. When I submit, it creates a very deep sense of connection- a powerful reminder that I do not exist in a vacuum and have responsibilities to those around me, as they do for me.

I think this is where the desire for punishment comes in. The idea that someone would value their relationship with me enough to correct me when things go astray is a beautiful sign of love. It would likely be easier to find someone else- there are plenty of people out there- but having the courage to both call me out on an issue and then stick around to resolve it takes strength and commitment.

2 thoughts on “Why?

  1. That sounds just like me..I take care of myself a lot and I really need the discipline and to know someone is there to help me and guide me

    1. Some may say we’re inconsistent or hypocritical, but I prefer to think we’re just very complex, multifaceted creatures. 🙂

      In any event, it’s nice to know we’re not alone.

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