This is not a hobby that I have picked up, not a phase that I am going through, not a skill that I have learned. This is simply what I am, what I always have been.
At first there were just urges, a desire to serve, to be held accountable, to be disciplined.
Then there was reading. Discovery of others like me. Deep, enduring friendships formed through writing, comments, and emails. These friends encouraged me to embrace this part of myself and to share it- first in writing here, later in delving into the Irish fetish community.
With that first timid email to a blogger whose writing enticed me out of my silence, my life changed dramatically but gradually. In the time since, I have written hundreds of short stories, including one series published in ebook format. I received my first spanking, a lovely experience with a man I’m happy to call a good friend. I’ve attended numerous munches and workshops, talked to hundreds of people brought together by nothing but a shared willingness to look past traditional ideas of love. I’ve explored the serious and silly sides of spanking in private sessions, small gatherings, and public club nights. I’ve started a school role play group with several close friends, and organised both munches and play events. I’ve even started topping, a development I never could have foreseen.
Though my explorations have led to unexpected places the core yearnings, the desires that have always been there, remain constant. I am a submissive, I see service and discipline as the most powerful expressions of love.
Here I share my reflections on submission and my hopes for how this part of my nature will impact my life. I share my stories- both those of how I got here and those that convey through fiction some aspect of what I find attractive in a dominant/submissive relationship. Sometimes I may say things that won’t make sense or contradict myself, but everything I say here is true in my mind at the time it was written.
My mind has and will continue to change along the way. I wish I could be decisive, to make sure that I understand completely before I share my views. On some level, I realise that this is silly. If I wait until my thoughts are perfectly set- reasoned and ordered- there’s really not much point in discussing them. I need to open myself to feedback and good-natured debate.
This is fitting, it seems, given the topic. Although I want to think I am perfect, I also crave discipline- which implicitly involves the acknowledgement of imperfection.