Hierarchy

I am submissive, but I have no fear of making decisions. I quite like being in charge actually. Provided there are boundaries. And clear goals. I’d rather have to decide how to execute someone else’s vision, than set the course, but that’s a different topic.

It’s not so much the subservience that attracts me to the submissive role, it’s the simple idea that there is a role. It is also the same idea that attracted me to the martial arts, and what kept me coming back to class despite feeling like I’d been hit by a truck after the first few lessons. (Note that the dojo was nothing like the picture above- there was much more clothing and far fewer women) I was new and my role was simple- to watch, to learn, and to try my best. All three directives were enforced by the instructor and older students in ways ranging from verbal reprimands to more practical demonstrations of what may happen if a technique was executed poorly to unforgettable yet oft-repeated lessons in pressure points.

I remember the first time I had to teach the newer students. And I mean newer, not younger, not by a long shot. I was nervous and felt under prepared. But I did it. And I was told very clearly what I had done well. And thrown across the room when I had failed (Thrown in a constructive, controlled way- they teach you how to fall first for a reason).

There was pain, but it was pain that I had earned, pain that I learned from. And there was respect, both the enforced respect for members of higher rank, and the beautiful courtesy of senior members to those lower than they.

It was vanilla and asexual, but it chimed with a part of my being that doesn’t often get to see the light of day.