Why is this so hard? I know it’s not just me- I’ve read plenty of stories (some fiction, some I suspect with more than a hint of reality) of others having similar issues, or where saying it- more specifically, asking for it- is a point of tension in the process.
Why is it that I can enjoy reading and writing about this topic so much, and yet I know I would falter when I need to discuss it with a partner? Even casual in-person conversations with internet friends (and the few other friends who know about this interest) tend to feel incredibly awkward. Even when I know we’re just meeting for a meal or a drink, I still hesitate to discuss the subject directly. Hearing the words aloud, looking someone in the eye as they’re spoken- it’s a much more visceral thing that writing.
I’m glad I have the blog to fall back on- something I can point to and say “That thing I’m trying to talk about? It goes something like this.”