The Monster

As a dom, you need to learn how to accept that little monster deep inside of you that can hurt others and find some pleasure in it.

-Joost of Bad Girls Need God Spankings

This wasn’t the first time I’d heard someone describe our particular interest as an inner monster, something ugly and scary best kept in deep, dark places- preferably behind strong bars as well.  

In each of the four relationships I’ve had that involved some sort of intimate submission, the man involved expressed frustration tinged with a bit of fear about his enjoyment of the dynamic.  There were teeth and claws, true, but these things need not be ugly. There is something beautiful in restrained power, in the trust that lets one flirt with the threat of danger, all the while implicitly sure of one’s safety.

I think there is something deep and visceral in this, something that has been lost in modern society.  It is a celebration of something innate, subconscious, drawing to mind ancient rituals.  It appears cruel, but it is a bond, deep and strong and dark.  There is pain and power and submission, each of which is a merely a symptom, a sign of a deeper cause.

Undeniably, the things that we did together would be considered cruel or demeaning when taken out of context. However, in our case these same actions were an expression of deep affection and trust.  The fangs that linger but don’t bite.

It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties.

–Big Fish

When viewed in the proper light, monsters can in fact be quite cuddly.