30 Days of Submission: Day 12

Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

2012

Never heard of it until now, don’t like the idea much. While I’m not materialistic and have never had a formal budget (I just understand the kind of lifestyle I can afford and the calculations just run in the background), I don’t see why finances should play into intimacy. If someone asked for financial submission, I would be very suspicious. Submission is something psychological, not financial. Once invested in a relationship to be combining households, starting a family etc, it makes sense to combine finances, but that’s more logistical than anything else.

I wouldn’t consider bringing finances into a relationship until ready to combine households, start a family, etc. Financial independence is a safety net in the event things end badly. I would be suspicious of anyone asking for this too soon, and wonder what it was they wanted out of the relationship. Even when combined, I would see this as more a logistical arrangement than submission- a way to make a household run smoothly based on each partner’s skills and preferences.

***
2017

If financial submission includes event admission, lodging, transportation (I’ve been doing my part to help sustain Iarnród Éireann), books, toys, costumes, subscriptions, website fees, munch-drinks, and so on, then emphatically yes, my submission does have a financial component. A huge one. Like many hobbies, kink can consume a considerable portion of one’s discretionary budget.

It wasn’t always this way; in the early days my exploration didn’t cost me more than an internet connection, a bit of power to run the craptop, and I suppose many hours of sleep foregone. There was so much to read, so many people to learn from- it was easy enough to start thinking more deeply about this aspect of my nature without dipping into my wallet. I try to remember those early days when I write and try to contribute things that would have been helpful to me then.

By and large, though, my feeling on bringing finances explicitly into a D/S relationship haven’t changed much. Requests for financial submission would cause me to be cautious, and would be unlikely to be fulfilled. However, I have met at least one couple for whom this seems to be a very healthy part of their relationship. Although they have now combined households, there was a period while still living separately that the dominant took control of the submissive’s budget. This arrangement worked for them, and provided a way to address an issue the submissive had. Although this is not an area where I would be looking to a dominant for guidance, I can see how some would. As with any form of submission, consent, boundaries, and having a way out, an emergency stop of some kind, are critical.

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