30 Days of Submission: Day 30

Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

2012 – Public

I am happy that you have found someone to help move past the sadness, and look forward to reading more of your adventures, whether they be “fun, silly, a bit sad, thoughtful, philosophical, hopeful and maybe even a little bit sexy” 🙂 I’ve noticed that sadness seems to be my base emotion. Not in a destructive or depressing way, just in a calm, consistent way. I think it may just be my nature, but reading this I wonder if that may eventually change.   

Thanks for the thought-provoking series of posts this month- I’ve learned a lot these last 30 days. Looking forward to hearing about the riding crop tomorrow 🙂


2012- Private


I don’t think I could have an intimate relationship without submission. This is a part of me that can’t be set aside.  

I’m living without it right now, and don’t consider myself to be a miserable person. A healthy D/S relationship is something that I want, and I know it would make me a better person. The same could be said for going back to school, having children, experiencing life in a different country, and many other things I would love to do.  I want to keep exploring this, to be ready if I meet someone who could be right for this, but I won’t go moping around if it doesn’t happen.





My first reaction- Heavens yes!  I barely have time for vanilla life anymore- every weekend I seem to be shooting off to another kink-related event, and if not that then a vanilla event with scene friends, or occasionally take time to write about it all. I am very happy with this arrangement- and I’ve heard that the happiness shows.  


I truly value the friends I have made through the local scene and through my writing- both those with whom I have casual friendships and those with whom I share something deeper.  Looking back at where I was five years ago, I could have hardly imagined that I would form close relationships with several regular partners, each of whom I submit to in a different manner, each of whom brings out the best (and occasionally worst) of me in a different way. Plus, it has all been spectacularly fun!


And yet. . .


That first, deep, poignant desire hasn’t been touched. I long for someone to submit to fully, someone to serve, to rely on, from  whom to accept guidance and punishment. I don’t feel it as sharply as I used to, not because the need itself has dulled but because everything around it has been soothed. I still dream of this partner, but it is a not the urgent grasping dreams of the past.  


I remind myself that this relationship is worth the effort to keep searching for, just as it is worth exploring and enjoying the side paths found along the way and indulging in the little submissions that nurture that side of me.  I can be submissive as I am now while I continue the search.

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