My experience in the scene has involved a great deal of physical pain. While I’m no masochist, many of the things I am drawn to come with a hearty dose of pain.
In my vanilla life I did all I could, as a sensible person, to avoid pain. With exposure, however, my fear has settled into a healthy respect for the sensation. Pain teaches, and bottoming has brought numerous educational opportunities.
* Struggling against bonds, self-inflicting pressure and strain in my quest for escape, feeling how far I can push without damage.
* Enduring punishment, knowing the sensations inflicted on me were earned- either in fun or in earnest.
* Taking a risk with a new partner, carefully monitoring the sensations, checking for mismatch of expectations or experience, speaking up before issues become too unpleasant.
* Responding to the indication that something has gone awry, using my words to protect myself- to stop, lessen, or redirect the energy.
* Savouring the crisp, clear intensity of impact and the deep, throbbing ache of the bruises.
* Riding the waves of sensation, embracing them as a part of the experience and for the value they bring.
These skills, developed and sharpened in the scene, make it easier to manage vanilla pain: twisted ankles, hungover-headaches, cramps and strains of everyday life.
When pain arises in my body, I ask myself:
- What is causing the pain?
- What other factors, what states of mind, may be altering my perception of the pain?
- What is the pain telling me to do to protect myself from damage?
- What pain can I ignore for now to enjoy the moment?
***
My experience in the scene has involved a great deal of emotional strain. While I came here seeking happiness, many of the things I am drawn to come with a hearty dose of heavier emotions.
In my vanilla life I did all I could, as a logical person, to avoid painful emotions. With exposure, my fear has settled into a healthy respect for these feelings. Pain teaches, and submission has brought numerous educational opportunities.
* Struggling in a tangled web of current and former relationships, self-inflicting pressure and strain in my quest to find my place, feeling how deeply I can enter without damage.
* Enduring punishment, knowing the remorse it brought out in me was earned- either in fun or in earnest.
* Taking a risk with a new partner, carefully monitoring my mindset, checking for mismatch of expectations or awareness, speaking up before issues become too unpleasant.
* Responding to the indication that something has gone awry, using my words to protect myself- to stop, lessen, or redirect the interaction.
* Savouring the crisp, clear intensity of connection and the deep, aching sadness of time apart.
* Riding the waves of emotion, embracing them as a part of the experience and for the value they bring.
These skills, developed and sharpened in the scene, make it easier to manage vanilla issues: disgruntled colleagues, cold shoulders, struggles and disappointments of everyday life.
When pain arises in my mind, I ask myself:
- What is causing the pain?
- What other factors, what states of mind, may be altering my perception of the pain?
- What is the pain telling me to do to protect myself from damage?
- What pain can I ignore for now to enjoy the moment?
***
I am no expert, but I am learning. And learning is rarely painless.
Acknowledging Imperfection 