Thoughts inspired by Lea’s post a while back.
I’ve never had much trouble with labels in terms of kink. I’m female and heterosexual, which I realise is on the simple, predictable end of the spectrum. I also identify as a submissive, and feel that word alone pretty much sums up my perspective on that sort of thing. While I’m fascinated reading the accounts of others where a mishmash of words is required to explain how they identify themselves and their place or prospective place in a relationship (and have learned quite a bit from so doing), I’ve never felt the need to do the same thing.
An interest in spanking prompted this long-term self-analysis, and I’ve come to accept that spanking, while a large part of whatever-this-is-that-I-am, it is still only the part. I cannot describe myself simply as a spankee, bottom, etc and convey the same connotations of discipline, service and devotion that come with describing one’s self as a submissive. Nor do slave, little, pet, etc. convey how integral this is to who I am; submission is not something that simply ceases to exist when play is over, and understanding my desired roles even in vanilla contexts has helped me to understand and, when necessary, moderate my behaviour. Nor do any of the more specialised terms truly encompass the largely blank slate of someone with very limited experience.
So I call myself a submissive, and leave it at that. Maybe I’m taking the easy way out and not truly thinking this through (though that might be a first for my typically over-thinking self).
4 thoughts on “Simply Submissive”
Hi! I have been following this string of posts and have been nodding along with you the whole way. I have a lot of similar feelings from the things you have been posting (like wanting and needing discipline- but really being harder on yourself than anyone else could be). When it comes to labeling and trying to put a word to what you feel or what you are I think it’s okay to not overthink it. Everyone is different in what they want and what they need and I think it’s silly to think any one person can fit into a specific box with a specific label and it shouldn’t be that way.
Hi Casey, and welcome!
Thanks for the reassurance- even after years of blog-reading, the sudden “you are not alone” feelings are still quite powerful.
I have long ago stopped bothering with a definition of where I am or why. I love what you wrote and that’s all there is to say.
Very eloquent 🙂 We could learn a lot from that perspective.