(This is not a story about the whiskey of the same name. I have a story about that, too, but it’s hardly appropriate here).
A while back, I joined a local writing group. A good friend who is aware of my writing here, but who does not share these interests, recommended me to them, and I doubt I would have joined if I didn’t feel quite so much loyalty and gratitude for him for his sponsorship.
I cannot share these writings with them, nor do I have any desire to stop writing here. While the critiques will help me grow, it comes at the expense of a double workload.
And, more than anything, I need to remember how to write normal-people things.
I didn’t think I could. Then again, I didn’t think I could write spanking stories either. I remember the struggle when I started here, tears and frustration and curses. There’s still plenty of that, but there is also faith that this is worthwhile, and plenty of feedback and encouragement and friendship.
It is difficult to start over.
It is shaking my confidence, disrupting my sleep. There is stress. There are tears, and I suspect for the same reasons I spoke of last week. I want to quit, to declare that I am not a writer.
I also want to declare I am not a spankee. It hurts, and I do not like that. I want to stand up off his lap, correct this misconception.
But I don’t. I’ve learned that the pain is just a passing thing. Unpleasant, but necessary lest the experience loses its potency.
Acknowledging Imperfection 
Yes Kia you are a writer…and a good one at that. Whatever gave you the idea that writing did not involve tears, frustration and hair pulling tantrums? It is hard work and often lonely because you cannot easily share with someone else what is in your head that just will not appear in words on the paper or screen. I run a writing group…oh yes I know what a stupid thing that is to do when I have so much else to do. Writing groups are also hard work. Are they full of insecure people anxious about their own writing so eager to pull you down? If so leave immediately. Your group should be made up of critical friends who will not say, “Lovely darling; simply wonderful,” but help you to develop and you should reciprocate. It is also hard to write to order so to speak. It’s like being back at school again; you must shed the self indulgence of your own story and put your skills to writing a piece on whatever the theme is this time. Give and receive in a good writing group and it will help BUT if I ever hear you doubting yourself again I shall make you stand in the corner.
“Thou shalt not fail as a writer because the very act of writing is the best protection from the madness of the world”, purported to be Bukowski, but I didn’t hear him say it.
Just. Keep. At. It.
The quotation is from Charles Bukowski’s poem “Feeling Fairly Good Tonight.” It also contains the line, “Thou shalt not fail as a writer because it’s the finest form of self-entertainment ever invented.”
No argument from me.
HotBottoms- Thanks for the encouragement. Much needed 🙂
Susan- I love how I can count on you for reason, support, and honest feedback. (and, apparently, an impressive recollection of poetry). Not at all surprised that you run a writing group. You seem very well-suited to the job, whether or not you feel you have time for it. Why is it that often the most meaningful bits of life are wrung out of the stolen moments?
As for my group, they’re mostly poets, and I am not (at least not presently). They’re also very Irish and I am not (at least not presently). While everyone else may have a selection of Joyce-inspired poems to dust off and present on demand, it is a humbling experience to present something still in very early draft stages.
Criticism is new and uncomfortable, but not unexpected. I’ve received plenty of encouragement here at at LSF (so important when first starting out!), and feel it’s time to seek out more critical feedback. Doesn’t make it a pleasant experience, though.
The comments I’ve received so far have been mixed. Some flattering but unhelpful, some dismissive, but mostly constructive. A lot of what is said goes well over my head, but I’m learning. Slowly. I’ll keep at it- especially when when faced with your threats!