Lost and Found

A few weeks ago, a good friend closed his spanking blog.  He did so on his own terms, and for the happiest  of personal reasons.  It was the best way, if there is a best way, to leave this virtual world. We are still in touch by email, and planning a visit soon.  Even so, I miss him more that I’d have thought possible.

His posts were a part of my morning ritual for the last several years.   His writing touched me deeply and powerfully, so much so that he was the first writer I agreed to meet in person- despite living on different continents. His was a steady, calm presence that saw me through the chaos of immigration to Ireland and to FetLife. Protected by his friendship and support, armed with his advice and guidance, I dove into the world of spanking- online and in person.  His experience and reason helped me avoid many pitfalls and his advice corrected more than a few errors as I’ve found my way here.

Our friendship remains strong, but things have changed between us. I understand, but I still grieve.

But I do not grieve alone.

That one leap of faith, that one solid friendship, led to a profusion of others.

I have found a sponsor, a man I look to for an example of how to live here. A man with whom I’ve shared spankings, drinks, and hours of nerdy talk.  A man I look to as a father figure in this country, someone supportive, understanding, level-headed, steady, and loving.

I have found a beer buddy, a conversationalist, the gentlest  of souls. A man with whom to explore coffee shops and bookshops, a man to share a chat and a pint, common interests and passions.   A man whose sense of compassion and morality inspires me to become a better person.

I have found a lovely top, a relationship stumbled into almost by accident, but one in which we have worked to establish a solid foundation. A man a laugh with, struggle with, support, rail against, hug, talk, and try again.  A man willing to learn and grow with me.

I have found a mentor, an old acquaintance remet by chance. A man who has been teaching, coaching, leading by example.  A man who does not shy from telling me when I have stepped out of line, from calling me on my failings. A man who also does not hesitate to praise when I meet his expectations. A man willing and eager to apply a cane, a hug, or both whenever needed.

I have found a former partner, a former lover, a current friend. A man I am proud to know again. `

And others, many others. I never would have imagined having such a strong network of friends- friends to join in play, friends to join for a chat and a pint, friends- some of which I didn’t even know I had- willing to help in all sorts of ways with my latest project.  Friends that remind me why I am here, why this decision was the right one.

To all of you, thank you.