Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.
Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
I submit to a lot of people in different ways, and I’m starting to see significance in this very vanilla form of submission. I submit to my manager and others at work. I submit to the higher ranked students in my martial arts practice. Even when I’m in a position of authority, I find that I submit in some ways to the way I think an organization or group should be going. Only recently did I connect this to my desire to submit on a deeper, more intimate level, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. This submission is a very personal thing for me- not something to play with. I’m trying to be ok with me as a submissive, but it is difficult. I don’t want to be ruled by this desire, bit feel very comfortable in situations where I have a role and well-defined expectations for my behavior.
Ultimately, I want to submit to a man who I respect and who I trust has my best interests at heart. He doesn’t need to be perfect though, and may steer me wrong on occasion. But I trust the experience of following his guidance will be worthwhile.
I view submission as something deeply private and personal. However, to my surprise, I’ve found that in a party setting I will bottom quite happily to most anyone. At events, I’ve generally accepted invitations for impact scenes and have enjoyed the vast majority of them. It’s a light, low-risk/low-reward form of submission, but a satisfying one. And sometimes, just sometimes, it’s the start of something much more. (Often it’s not, and I’ve also been surprised at how much joy I’ve gotten- and hopefully also given- from this more superficial form of play.)
Deeper submission is another story. This is something that easily blurs the edges of a scene, if the edges even existed in the first place. This is still something I crave; no amount of lighter play could satisfy this desire.
I’ve been fortunate to find a few treasured friends to begin exploring this space with. These are the people from whom a spanking is more than just sensation, it gets into my head and my heart and does wondrous things. These are the people I don’t need to specify limits to; they know where they are- or were- and know how to push. I trust them to do so. These are also the people whose words command my attention- in scene or otherwise.