30 Days of Submission: Day 2

Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?


I submit to a lot of people in different ways, and I’m starting to see significance in this very vanilla form of submission. I submit to my manager and others at work. I submit to the higher ranked students in my martial arts practice.  Even when I’m in a position of authority, I find that I submit in some ways to the way I think an organization or group should be going. Only recently did I connect this to my desire to submit on a deeper, more intimate level, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. This submission is a very personal thing for me- not something to play with. I’m trying to be ok with me as a submissive, but it is difficult.  I don’t want to be ruled by this desire, bit feel very comfortable in situations where I have a role and well-defined expectations for my behavior.

Ultimately, I want to submit to a man who I respect and who I trust has my best interests at heart.  He doesn’t need to be  perfect though, and may steer me wrong on occasion. But I trust the experience of following his guidance will be worthwhile.




I view submission as something deeply private and personal. However, to my surprise, I’ve found that in a party setting I will bottom quite happily to most anyone. At events, I’ve generally accepted invitations for impact scenes and have enjoyed the vast majority of them. It’s a light, low-risk/low-reward form of submission, but a satisfying one.  And sometimes, just sometimes, it’s the start of something much more. (Often it’s not, and I’ve also been surprised at how much joy I’ve gotten- and hopefully also given- from this more superficial form of play.)


Deeper submission is another story. This is something that easily blurs the edges of a scene, if the edges even existed in the first place. This is still something I crave; no amount of lighter play could satisfy this desire.


I’ve been fortunate to find a few treasured friends to begin exploring this space with. These are the people from whom a spanking is more than just sensation, it gets into my head and my heart and does wondrous things. These are the people I don’t need to specify limits to; they know where they are- or were- and know how to push. I trust them to do so.  These are also the people whose words command my attention- in scene or otherwise.

4 thoughts on “30 Days of Submission: Day 2

  1. Hi Kia
    Do you think submissive tendencies are there from an early age?
    I always gravitated to stronger men or women and quite enjoyed being bossed about from a young age.
    I had a headmaster in primary school who would bellow a pupils name and my tummy would flip even if it wasn’t me who was in trouble.
    I discussed a lot of my submissive issues with my wife years later and she was full of understanding and glad I had broached the issue she said she wasn’t the type of person to take advantage of my passive nature and wasn’t comfortable physically chastising me.
    She was amazingly understanding when I arranged a meeting with a local man who introduced me to adult corporal punishment just to test the water!
    And she was obviously concerned that I wouldn’t be severely hurt.
    I was very lucky he was good with newbies not a sadist and we had some very good sessions.
    I found these sessions a great release and although we don’t meet as often now
    It was a great catharsis for me.
    I still respect and enjoy meeting strong confident people and my marriage and family life is in tandem so I’m quite lucky.

    1. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know my tendencies manifested very early- and the same seems true for many that I’ve spoken to about this. However, for others the realisation, or even change, happened much later. We all have different paths. Very happy to hear that you’ve found a way to explore this side of yourself that works for both you and your wife.

  2. In the real sense I could only top someone I know well and who I know trusts me.
    In my personal life I am quite alone these days so any dominating part of me is purely in the scene.

    There was an element when I was still working I loved and that was chairing and leading a forum which was my idea and which my regional manager wanted me to lead. Pushed to do this I was pleasantly surprised how well it went and how much I loved the “power”.

    There are only a few people I would feel comfortable taking a fully dominating play situation with. These are people who trust me and also respect that I will always, even in an intense scene, have their welfare in mind and their confidence in me topping them.

    However a large part of my play is and will always be on a superficial level and be so much fun.
    I never want to be a Dominating person only , even if I could be, with no element of fun . That could never be me.

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