Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
I know I am submissive for three reasons.
1) When I submitted to the man I love, it felt right.
2) When I tried a relationship without submission, I got very tense and it eventually destroyed the relationship.
3) When I read other like-minded views, it resonates with me
I once inadvertently fell into a submissive role in a relationship. I hadn’t heard of this kind of lifestyle yet, and neither of us had any idea what was happening at the time. Even though there was no physical component, it was a powerful experience and it felt very right. I had a sense of purpose and satisfaction in serving him. I was more motivated knowing that my actions reflected on him or would be judged by him than when I was only accountable for myself.
From talking to many kinksters- online and in person- I think discovery of one’s inclinations to power exchange and/or other forms of kink tends to fall into one of two categories. For some, there was an event, a trigger, an awakening- a specific moment in which they first felt or developed this aspect of their nature. For others, it’s something that has always been present- undefined, yet no less potent for the lack of words to describe the feelings, urges, and obsessions. In both cases, the discovery that others have had similar or complementary yearnings, learning of the vocabulary and culture that they have built (and perhaps joining in) is a profoundly comforting revelation.
I fall firmly into the second category.
Even before learning of the wider spanking and kink communities, I often took on submissive roles in vanilla life- a tendency which I continue even now. I am not comfortable in positions of authority, preferring instead to execute and enable the wishes of others who I respect and trust to set direction. Still, reading a very similar description written by a manager into a year-end review a while back was jarring and surreal, though not quite unsettling. This role suits me and is how I can perform best. Perhaps seeing that recognised could be a positive thing.
Vanilla submission is satisfying, though I’ve craved more for as long as I can remember. I’ve no memory of a time when I didn’t fantasise about spanking and discipline. Since getting involved with the local scene, I’ve started to live out some of those fantasies- an incredible experience that was well worth the nerves and awkwardness that comes with joining a new group and speaking of taboo secrets. I’ve also been introduced to other forms of submission I’d never imagined, some of which have become regular elements of my play. Still, despite the new discoveries and explorations, the core of my desire remains unchanged and just as potent as ever.
In any context, submission for me is deeply satisfying, be it displayed through an act of service, acceptance of pain, or heeding advice or guidance.