30 Days of Submission: Day 3

Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.



How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?  How do you feel when you express your submission?



I know I am submissive for three reasons.
1) When I submitted to the man I love, it felt right.  
2) When I tried a relationship without submission, I got very tense and it eventually destroyed the relationship.
3) When I read other like-minded views, it resonates with me

I once inadvertently fell into a submissive role in a relationship. I hadn’t heard of this kind of lifestyle yet, and neither of us had any idea what was happening at the time.  Even though there was no physical component, it was a powerful experience and it felt very right. I had a sense of purpose and satisfaction in serving him.  I was more motivated knowing that my actions reflected on him or would be judged by him than when I was only accountable for myself.





From talking to many kinksters- online and in person- I think discovery of one’s inclinations to power exchange and/or other forms of kink tends to fall into one of two categories. For some, there was an event, a trigger, an awakening- a specific moment in which they first felt or developed this aspect of their nature. For others, it’s something that has always been present- undefined, yet no less potent for the lack of words to describe the feelings, urges, and obsessions. In both cases, the discovery that others have had similar or complementary yearnings, learning of the vocabulary and culture that they have built (and perhaps joining in) is a profoundly comforting revelation.


I fall firmly into the second category.


Even before learning of the wider spanking and kink communities, I often took on submissive roles in vanilla life- a tendency which I continue even now.  I am not comfortable in positions of authority, preferring instead to execute and enable the wishes of others who I respect and trust to set direction. Still, reading a very similar description written by a manager into a year-end review a while back was jarring and surreal, though not quite unsettling. This role suits me and is how I can perform best. Perhaps seeing that recognised could be a positive thing.


Vanilla submission is satisfying, though I’ve craved more for as long as I can remember. I’ve no memory of a time when I didn’t fantasise about spanking and discipline. Since getting involved with the local scene, I’ve started to live out some of those fantasies- an incredible experience that was well worth the nerves and awkwardness that comes with joining a new group and speaking of taboo secrets. I’ve also been introduced to other forms of submission I’d never imagined, some of which have become regular elements of my play. Still, despite the new discoveries and explorations, the core of my desire remains unchanged and just as potent as ever.


In any context, submission for me is deeply satisfying, be it displayed through an act of service, acceptance of pain, or heeding advice or guidance.  

2 thoughts on “30 Days of Submission: Day 3

  1. From An early age I have always had the urge to put a lady across my knee and spank her.
    I really don’t know where it came from .
    In my opinion I was just born that way.
    When I was still quite young seing a spanking scene in a film or tv series ( which often happened in those days) made me feel a buzz of excitement which I didnt really understand. This urge to spank was with me as I grew and even in the crazy hormonal teens I looked at a girl and while others remarked on her breasts or how they fancied her my unspoken words were
    ” I wish I could spank her”
    For a time I thought I was weird thinking like this . Surely others didnt feel that way. Yet the urge never left me.

    It was a lot later in life that my dreams and fantasies turned into reality.

    I wont go into the awkwardness of the beginning my first encounter which was at a spanking party. However after an initial disastrous attempt I then played one to one with the lady I had chatted to for quite a while online.

    I was in heaven.
    The feeling of being in charge ,of her submitting to me as a spanker was such a buzz.
    I described it at the time as akin to sex without the mess.

    Now many years on I still get the buzz mixed with a feeling of power over the spankee in the scene.
    I love the feeling but I love even more the gift that the lady is giving me by submitting to me in the scene.
    I especially love it because any I have spanked on a regular basis have been women I admire as being intelligent strong minded women who give me this
    beautiful and powerful feeling by allowing me to live what I thought for much of my life would remain a fantasy.

    My deepest respect and admiration to all you ladies.

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