Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.
Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
Yes, and I am not always sure why. Sometimes I rarely think about it, others it occupies far more of my mind than it should. Renegotiating with my training partner in aikido now is interesting, I guess- not in the good way. I need to make it work. It fulfills part of my desire to submit, but not in the way I had expected- or him for that matter. I need to be flexible and stay with it- to go in without expectations, perhaps some of that energy can be preserved.
I don’t have the same swings in time and energy devoted to exploring submission as I used to; my schedule doesn’t allow for it. This monster is a constant companion, gobbling up any available time. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have noticed shifts and swings in my mood though; sometimes I feel playful, bratty, studious, subby, or just bitchy. While one school of thought says it’s a bad idea to try to play when not in the right mood, I’m not sure I agree. Participation in a scene inconsistent with my mood of the moment is difficult, but can sometimes bring about positive changes. Sometimes a good whacking can knock everything back into place.