30 Days of Submission: Day 21

Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?


Not sure. Bowing has powerful connotations. There’s also something about a hand on the shoulder or head that pushes buttons. Not enough experience otherwise with the positions I think this question is getting at. Hopefully next time this answer will be more interesting.



Yes, this answer indeed become more interesting- or at least longer.

The-hand-on-the-head thing is still incredibly powerful- so much so that it has all but outed me to a vanilla friend who did so in a joking manner and was pleasantly surprised at the response. Several pints too many had been taken at the time, and this gave us an excuse to not discuss the matter further. However, I’m not sure I’ve escaped the conversation entirely- nor am I sure that I want to, but that’s a story for another time.

Bowing still has resonance for me, but only in the abstract. I can’t see myself bowing to any of my current regular partners in any serious context; it just doesn’t suit our dynamics. I think back to the situations I was drawing from in 2012, and it felt different there. For each of the vanilla-dominant partners I was thinking of them, it had specific cultural significance. It was a lovely, quiet way to reaffirm our relative positions.

It doesn’t work that way with anyone I play with currently, but I have learned to find peace in the symbolism of positions that would have otherwise seemed silly to me. I remember the first time I was invited- it was an order, but phrased as an invitation, to sit at the feet of a partner after a particularly intense session. I was tempted to decline, it was one of those things that I had read about but felt no inclination to do myself, the lower-than-thou thing doesn’t suit my form of submission.

But I obeyed; she was, and is, very good at getting me to obey despite my reservations, and this has helped me learn a great deal. I found it a wonderfully comforting position, a way to extend the dynamic of the scene and blend it into the general socialising of the party, a way to let us both come back slowly. This has become a regular feature of our scenes when we play intensely, and one that I am grateful for- not just because floor tiles can be incredibly soothing on a roasted bottom.

I’ve come to enjoy the position so much that I’ve tried to introduce it as an element in scenes with other partners, with varying degrees of success. Sometimes it fits seamlessly, other times it just feels awkward. In the end, it’s more about the person than the position.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s