Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.
What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
I want to someday be able to write like Poppy did to answer this one. It was beautiful- both in form and content.* I want that. I know it takes time. I still want it. I need to be patient and persistent.
Sadness is the emotion that happens most. I think it may be my base right now- in absence of anything else, there is sadness. Is that a bad thing? it’s not depression-sadness, just a calm sadness. It’s been this way for a long time. I feel like someone watching life, but not able to participate. Like some quarantined patient behind a glass wall.
I can give advice like I know what can make people happy, like I know what I can do to make me happy, but still there is sadness. Will that change? I feel at peace with the sadness.
I don’t know if it has a source. Isolation maybe. Could it be just loneliness that’s been around so long it seems normal? Like it’s from me instead of just how things have worked out recently? Maybe I should talk about this to someone. But I do kind of like it- is that healthy?
*Nope, don’t remember this one either.
I feel my submission most keenly in absence of other emotion. When I am calm, when my mind is open, that is when I feel most connected with my partner.
This state of mind doesn’t happen often. I love being busy, and thrive on the stress that entails. This, and the resultant emotional roller-coaster, means I am often not in the most receptive of states. However, I find that submitting to a trusted partner can help bring me there.
When I am frustrated, a good spanking can help shake my mood. I may resist at first, but after giving in I feel my frustration ebb away, replaced with gratitude for my partner.
When I am boisterous, a good swat can help bring me back to reality, not so much puncturing the bubbliness but grounding it. My partner keeps me present and aware of those around me, prevents me from running away with my emotions.
When I am sad, the connection I feel with a partner can remind me that the feeling will pass, that there is plenty of joy and love to compensate for the darker times. It just takes patience.
Submission centres me, brings things back into focus. It doesn’t replace my emotions so much as put them in perspective. It lets me accept the way I feel for what it is, and to realise that I am more than the feeling of the moment.