30 Days of Submission: Day 23

Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

2012

Lots of stuff, though some of the stuff that turned me off (repelled is a harsh word, but maybe appropriate here) a few years ago I find highly intriguing/arousing now. I want to be open to exploration. It will depend a lot on what my partner wants to explore as well. I want to try new things, but I will express my opinion after.

I do occasionally question the whole thing. I think I’m closer to accepting this as an inseparable part of me, but I have a long way to go.

***

2017

While I have questioned my submission, I feel I’ve had an easier time of it than most. I’ve heard stories from friends of how they struggled with their feelings, committing mental acts of self destruction in an attempt to change their nature in battles that stretched from years to decades. I’ve not always been embracing of my submissive nature, but neither have I tried to rend it from the rest of me.

My questioning has been much gentler- at the best of times the search for deeper aspects of meaning, at worst a simple wistfulness, a wonder if life would have been simpler as a vanilla. It never occurred to me to try to be anything else, though. Even before I had a word for submission, I had never toyed with anything approaching a romantic relationship without that element in it, the attraction just wasn’t there.

Likewise, I’ve been fortunate to not have fallen madly in love with a non-dominant (for me, I’m not sure that’s possible as it’s a core part of my perception of intimacy and love). I’ve heard from others not so lucky- those who tried to make relationships work with vanilla partners, those living in vanilla marriages and trying to reconcile their desires with their reality. I’ve heard very few cases of this situation working out well, though I suppose it’s those who are struggling who are more inclined to seek support in the fetish community. In any event, I count myself lucky to not have been in that situation myself. Personally, I prefer single life to vanilla life.

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