Book of the Month: How to Think More about Sex by Alain de Botton


Something different this month. Thus far, I’ve only been featuring erotic fiction. While there will still be plenty of that featured here, I’ve recently delved more deeply into non-fiction writing on spanking, BDSM, and sexuality more generally and will be featuring those books as well from time to time, starting with Alain do Botton’s How to Think More about Sex.

While the book is somewhat superficial in nature and prone to sweeping, not-necessarily-accurate statements, I still found some of the insights to be particularly thought-provoking, particularly those in the discussion around fetishes, boldness, and intimacy.

However, this was, to put it mildly, a challenging read. Leaving aside the ironies of an asexual reading a book about sex, I found myself fundamentally disagreeing with the author on several key issues.  (For regular readers here, I’d imagine you’d have a similarly intense reaction to chapter 4.) The points raised, however, are valid and delivered clearly and conversationally. Reading felt quite like a good debate in the pub (the glasses of wine I had while reading probably helped this mindset). Discussion would be intense but civil, and while neither of use would be persuaded to fully embrace the other’s conclusions, we’d both leave with a deeper understanding of the others perspective and reasoning, tempering our own views.

I also have to laugh at the fact that I could identify with both halves of each of the theoretical couples presented in the book. While I might not agree with the final conclusions proposed, the observations and suggestions along the way will doubtless prove useful for me as I navigate the world of D/s relationships and my local scene.

Available from The School of Life


2 thoughts on “Book of the Month: How to Think More about Sex by Alain de Botton

  1. We have no problem thinking about sex in my family. A book about how to think less might be of more use.

  2. I imagine you’re with the majority there. As part of the asexual community, I approached it rather differently.

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