Each day in September, I will be posting a question about submission, along with two responses- the first written five years ago and the second from today. I welcome all who wish to join in this exercise to post your own answers in the comments, adjusting the question if necessary to suit your own roles and sensibilities.
Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
I want to be called to account before I do something truly harmful, so in that respect I would want some sort of limits set. However, I’ve always been a follow-the-rules type, so I don’t see myself pushing against limits. It also feels too much like asking to be spanked, which would make make it into more of a game (which may not be a bad thing, but not all the time). However, I tend to fight against rules that I don’t feel serve a purpose, which I could see becoming an issue.
On the other hand, I find myself more willing to bend, though not break, the rules in situations where the consequences are clear- where I know it will be taken playfully, as well the retribution.
Anyone who has interacted with me through CLASS likely knows how I feel about rules and structure. When setting up the group, we wanted a clear set of guiding principles and standard procedures to handle group functions where appropriate. However, we also wanted to keep the group flexible enough to encompass a variety of different types of play and interactions. And also, perhaps most importantly, we wanted to make sure there were some rules that were made to be broken; it shouldn’t be too difficult to ask for a good spanking.
On a personal level, I still like the idea of rules imposed by a dominant. However, this is a very difficult thing to ask a partner to do. I like being busy, taking pride in filling my days as much as possible with new experiences while also putting perhaps more effort than I should into my work and other commitments. I love this lifestyle and find the constant challenge invigorating. I know I can push too far sometimes, but dialling the intensity back too much is a recipe for distress. Anyone setting rules and structure for me would need to know me well enough to understand this balance. He would need to understand when the rules might need to be broken on occasion to maintain that balance, and when it would be better to apply the established consequences.
I have only had one relationship with this rule-setting element, complete with punishments for failures. Though it only lasted a few months, I enjoyed the experience and I did take better care of myself under his guidance than I had before. Though I have relapsed somewhat since, I still benefit from the habits he helped me form.
I have several play partners I’ve met on the scene who I consider mentors, though none of these relationships currently involve explicit rule-setting or punishments. Still, accepting guidance is powerful and comforting. A phone call can be just as emotionally satisfying as a spanking, and just as effective in changing my behaviour.