When discussing things theoretically (i.e.- when my bottom is in no immediate danger), I want to cry during a spanking. I want that kind of emotional release, want to be comfortable enough to experience that sort of vulnerability. It sounds, again in theory, like a wonderful experience. The reality has been quite different. I’ve … Continue reading Tears
Category: Thoughts on Submission
The Lifestyle
Over the last few months, I’ve noticed changes in myself, in how I feel, how I act, how I budget my time. My lifestyle has changed because of my exploration of my submission. “The lifestyle” tends to have connotations of a highly structured domestic life, of whips and chains, demanding masters and kneeling slaves. This … Continue reading The Lifestyle
Salad Days
I told him that I didn’t like the idea of play parties. Spanking is a private thing for me, something personal, more tied up with correction than pleasure to be suitable for public consumption. Mere weeks later, I found myself bent before him, face pressed into the cool hard wall of a decidedly unusual nightclub, … Continue reading Salad Days
Hide and Spank
He told me he would be back, and that I was not to move. He told me I would regret any disobedience, and given the spanking I’d just endured I had no reason to doubt him. So of course I had a bit of fun. I started by drinking the last of his water. It … Continue reading Hide and Spank
Appearance and Acceptance
“Does my hair look alright?” I asked as I tied it up- tied it not quite hastily, but not with the usual token attempt at care. You raised an eyebrow, a moment of incredulity that quickly devolved into outright laughter. “Does your hair look alright?” you asked, grinning widely. “I’ve just seen you nearly naked, … Continue reading Appearance and Acceptance
Twofer
I was supposed to be spanked last night. It didn't happen, and while I'd like to say it was because he simply could not find any reason to spank me, it was simply that we had to postpone our meeting (pesky work). Disappointing at first, but then I realised- this means I get two periods … Continue reading Twofer
Change
I like to pretend that I can do no wrong. I also like to pretend that it isn’t just pretending. But it is, and on occasion it becomes glaringly apparent. At such times I like to pretend that it was a simple mistake, easy to fix. Sometimes it is. Usually not. This is where … Continue reading Change
The Man from the Pub
There is a man at the pub, a very kind, gentle, thoughtful man, who thinks he likes me. He doesn’t know. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell him that I am not the smiling, fun-loving face that I wear in public. I wish I could tell him that there … Continue reading The Man from the Pub
Confession
While there is a certain attraction to the idea of being caught- the inevitability of punishment, the powerless feeling, and, of course, being able to pretend that if one had been just a bit more sneaky all of this unpleasantness could have been avoided, I find the concept of confession far more potent. It adds … Continue reading Confession
Long Distance Discipline: Reflections
Previous posts in this series As part of a new year stock-taking exercise, my mentor has encouraged (rather strongly) me to reflect on our arrangement. The results of this exercise are provided below for those of you who have been following this adventure. I confess that my expectations for online discipline were extremely low. The … Continue reading Long Distance Discipline: Reflections
Acknowledging Imperfection 